Fun With The Akatsuki - 6

I groaned in a sleepy daze and rubbed my eyes with my tired arms. I could hear muffled shouts echoing through the door, probably from Tobi and Deidara yelling about something again. Maybe it was Kakuzu and Hidan, who knew, everyone fought like married couples anyway. The vacation was sure to relieve some stress for them. I'd probably get to know them a little better, so the hectic screams were probably a good sign…
I stretched slowly, still lying down in my fluffy bed. I sighed loudly and pulled my self up; a little too fast, apparently, because everything started to spin. I felt rather dizzy and I ended up falling onto the floor with a rather loud 'thud'.
"Ow, damn it…" I groaned gruffly, rubbing my sides and closing my eyes. There was a quick knock at the door and Itachi peered in, scanning the area with his sharingan and giving me an odd look when he found me sprawled on the floor.
"Remika? What are you doing?" He asked softly, moving to help me up. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me to my feet with ease. I grabbed my head when the room started to swirl again and fumbled a little trying to regain my balance and hopefully my dignity.
"Whoa, umm, I think I may have got up a tad too fast…" I started to fall again; luckily Itachi was supporting my form. My hands gripped his arms for support with a killer grasp.
'So much for trying to regain dignity, hell there isn't even any dignity left to save…'
"Did you sleep alright?" He asked giving me his blank look, still not turning off his sharingan. I nodded sleepily before moving myself carefully out of his grasp. He let me sit on my bed and get my head together.
"Yeah, I slept fine, Deidara put me to sleep so I was fine, how about you?" I replied giving him a cheery little smile.
"Deidara, he put you to sleep?" He cocked an eyebrow suspiciously, with what seemed like a small glare tracing his features. I nodded slowly and raised an eyebrow myself.
"Yes, and? He helped me with some things and then put me to sleep, is that odd?" I asked rather stupidly.
'S-Rank Criminals putting innocent girls to bed, yeah, totally normal…'
I slapped my head and closed my eyes. Itachi was probably sure I was a psycho by now.
"Never mind, I see how that's weird…" I held up a finger to stop him from asking my stupid question, still holding my palm to my forehead. He sighed and rolled his eyes.
"You know, you really shouldn't do that, when you lose brain cells they don't grow back…" He gently moved my hand away to reveal my bright blue eyes staring rather innocently at him. "Besides, you'll need all the brain cells you can get" His lips curved slightly into a small smirk making me pout. He held my chin delicately in his finger and thumb, boring his raven orbs into mine.
"That's not fair; I'm not that dumb…" I protested quietly.
"Hmph, you're cute, so far that seems to work for you" He smiled. I felt heat rush to my cheeks, damn it, I was blushing. He chuckled softly clearly noticing my bright pink cheeks. "What do you know, turns out you aren't cute after all…" He let go of my chin and smirked, leaving the room without another word.
I snapped back into focus and stared at him, confused as ever.
"Huh? Wait, what? Oh, I'm so confused!" I exclaimed. I jumped up and followed him out, demanding an explanation. "What do you mean? So, I'm not cute?" I asked rubbing my head. He continued to smirk slightly, continuing to ignore me.
"Geez, bipolar much?" I muttered quietly earning a faint chuckle from the usually impassive Uchiha.
"No, you're not cute…" He stopped abruptly and spun around, clutching my wrists delicately. He leaned down next to my ear with his warm breath tickling my neck. "You're adorable..." He whispered sending electric chills through my body. I was left stunned when he turned and walked away.
'Adorable? I'm being complimented by an Uchiha, a GORGEOUS Uchiha who just so happens to be a criminal and I do NOTHING!' I mentally slapped myself for being so vulnerable and unresponsive. I shook my head and ran towards the screams and shouts from earlier, eager to find out what was happening.
"Morning!" I chirped, running into the living room.
"REMIKA-CHAN!" Tobi yelled, jumping on top of me, attacking me with his deadly glomp of DOOM!
"Tobi! Get off of her, yeah!" Deidara scolded, shrieking at the overly hyperactive Tobi. I laughed and hugged back only to be pulled up by the collar along with Tobi by an extremely pissed and extremely tired looking Hidan.
"Hey there…" I gave him a small wave and a smile making him roll his eyes and drop us. "Ow, geez, watch where you drop me, I'm delicate!" I whined with a small pout.
"If you're so fucking delicate then why are you here?" Hidan mocked, leaning down so he was eyelevel with me. I glared at him coldly, my blue orbs boring into his bright lavender eyes. Before all hell could break loose between us, Kisame leapt in and hauled me away from Hidan and onto the couch.
"Can I help you Shark-Boy?" I stared at him blankly as he sat me on the fluffy chair.
"Yeah, please, I need your help wit- Hey wait, what did you call me?" His fishy brain finally clicked and caught up with his surroundings. His face snapped up to me rather confused and slightly surprised. I suppressed a small giggle and bit my lip to stop a smile.
"What do you mean, Shark-Boy?" I tilted my head slightly to one side still holding back the wide smile that was desperately trying to etch itself on my face. His big blue face went from surprised to an 'Are you kidding me, really?' sort of look. His yellow orbs stayed locked with mine as he shook his head ever so slightly. I could hear Deidara's muffled laughs in the background. It sounded like he was trying so desperately to hold his laughter in too. I didn't much blame him; the last thing anyone would want is Kisame getting pissed and pulling out his sword, Samehada.
"Ugh, you know what, never mind. I just need you to help me with something…" I smiled triumphantly and urged for him to proceed.
"I need you to make sure that Tobi doesn't push Hidan right over the edge…" He whispered lightly to make sure that nobody else heard.
"Over the edge? You mean that he gets worse!?" My eyes darted from Kisame to Hidan frantically.
How could that get any worse!? Was it seriously possible?
"Yeah, I'm afraid so… I'd rather keep the peace for while we're on vacation. Tobi seems to like you, so I thought that you would be able to handle him with ease." He explained softly, almost pleading. His eyes looked desperate, like his life depended on it. Come to think of it, his life probably did depend on it… and the lives of the rest of the Akatsuki…
"I suppose I can try and contain that colourful little ball of fun…" I agreed, staring at Tobi as he ran frantically about the room chasing a small speck of dust. He tripped over a couple of times and screamed desperately, afraid of losing the floating microbe. I face-palmed and shook my head while Kisame smiled his toothy grin. "Yeah, good luck…"
I peeked out from behind my hand to see Tobi wildly plead with a suddenly agro Hidan. Judging by Hidan's posture and the red mark spreading over his forehead and nose, Tobi must have smacked him in the face in an attempt to catch the floating flake of dust which either landed on him or somewhere near him.
Either way, Tobi was probably going to die a very painful and rather unfortunate death. I puffed out a gust of breath heavily and stood up to prevent Hidan from slicing and dicing the masked madman.
"YOU FUCKING LITTLE RETARD! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PUNCHING ME IN THE DAMN FACE LIKE THAT!?" Hidan exploded, his face flashing a bright red and his violet eyes flashing with anger and madness. I jumped in front of the deranged Jashinist and put my arms out in front of me.
'What do you know; he did get smacked in the face…'
"Hidan, calm down. You know that he didn't mean it!" I moved into a defensive position and kept my eyes locked with his. He stepped forward a little reaching for his scythe, madness swimming in his violet orbs. "Hidan." I snapped at him. He glared hard at me starting to draw out his scythe. I blinked my eyes and switched on my 'Taiyō no me'.
"Hidan, cut it out man. You can torture Tobi later, yeah." Deidara interjected starting to realise how serious it was becoming.
Hidan still had a terrifyingly mad glint in his bright violet orbs, hungry for blood and revenge. Hidan's eyes were locked on to Tobi who was crouching in fear behind me. He grabbed onto the back of my shirt and trembled violently, genuinely afraid of Hidan. No one could really blame him.
"HIDAN!" I yelled at him once more to get his attention. His shining eyes locked on with mine and my genjutsu kicked in.

Hidan's eyes suddenly became less wild and more frantic as the scenery changed around him, swirling and twisting itself into a purple and black abyss. My lips curved up into a small smirk, I was hoping to have at least a little fun without crushing his mental state completely. He readied his scythe and tried to tear through some of the swirling blurs, but to no avail.
"What the HELL is this piece of shit!" He screamed out, becoming impatient and wildly spinning around in yet another pointless attempt to break the genjutsu.
"This is a genjutsu, dummy," I stated calmly with a small smile.
I flashed in front of him and grabbed a hold of his shoulder. He stared at me, shocked at my speed and tensed up at my touch. "Now if you don't calm down, I'm afraid you're going to be stuck here longer." I finished with a smirk. His astounded stare soon melted into an angry glare and he swung his scythe at me with full force. I leapt back with a smirk and landed softly on the ground a few meters away from him, waving my finger.
"Nah-ah, now doing silly things like that is only going to keep you here longer…" I teased, thoroughly enjoying the little game. "It's probably best if you behave…" I added slyly. He growled and his fists tightened around the handle of his scythe.
"Get. Me. OUT OF HERE!" He bellowed, his eyes swimming with rage. My mouth curved itself into a smile as Hidan ran towards me at top speed. Within a second, I was behind him, my arms wrapped around his chest and neck. He was jolted back and hit the ground with a loud 'thud'. He stared at me surprised as I appeared in front of him yet again.
"Now what did I say earlier? Either behave, or you'll be stuck here for the whole vacation, dumb-ass!" My broad smile twisted into a small glare and Hidan glared back, letting out a heavy sigh.
"Whatever just let me out of this fucking hell hole…" He muttered turning his head to one side.
"So, you're going to behave?" I confirmed, lowering my face to his. His jaw clenched and he refused to make eye contact with me.
'What a stubborn man…' I thought, rolling my eyes at the silver haired man.
"Hidan," I said softly, gently grabbing his chin and turning his head to face me.
", come on, just behave, please? It's the only vacation we're going to get for a long time, and the last thing I want to do is to have to collect little pieces of Tobi…" I pleaded calmly, boring my eyes into his. He kept a small glare and nodded once in agreement. I smiled softly and stopped the genjutsu.

Back in reality, Kisame, Tobi, Itachi and Deidara were all watching silently as Hidan lay on the floor rather motionless and I stood before his body. As he was pulled out of the genjutsu, he slowly started to stir, sending a wave of relief to the others that he wasn't dead.
When Hidan pulled himself up, Tobi ran straight to my side and clung onto my shirt, still fearful of the blood-thirsty psychopath. I gently held onto Tobi's arm and smiled, reassuring him that the deranged Jashinist was under control for now. He still held on to my shirt but seemed less afraid and stopped hiding behind me which was a little better that having him clinging to my entire body for dear life. Hidan clutched his head and kept a sort of half-glare at me, leaving the room muttering a couple of incomprehensible curses.

"Did Remika-Chan get hurt?" Tobi asked timidly, still clinging to my shirt, tugging lightly to get my attention.
"Nah, I'm fine!" I shook my head and smiled while Deidara stared at me like I was absolutely insane.
"Physically, maybe, but mentally…" He trailed off.
"What the hell's that supposed to mean, Blondie?" My gaze flickered towards the 'Barbie Man', shifting into a small glare.
"You. Are. Insane." He broke it down like I was an idiot, "Hidan is already our freaky lunatic; please don't give us another… Tobi is already bad enough," Deidara's nose wrinkled slightly at Tobi in both disgust and annoyance.
"Oh shut up, Barbie…" I muttered, stalking into the kitchen.
Tobi walked after me rather silently and sat on the counter. I pulled down a jar of cookies and happily munched away on the chocolaty goodness.
'Screw eating healthy, all the fat will just go to my boobs anyway…' I thought lazily, my imagination slowly drifting off into unrelated subjects…
Like rainbow unicorns floating down from heaven and skipping off with Tobi to Candy Mountain…
(I dunno, ok, it just sort of popped into my head…)

"Remika-Chan," Tobi's soft, child-like voice sang out, "Can Tobi talk to you in super secret privateness, because Tobi has to tell Remika-Chan something SUPER DUPER important!" Tobi piped up cheerfully, returning to his hyperactive self and pulling me out of my… odd thoughts.
His feet were dangling over the edge of the counter, swinging back and forth and he was leaning with his hands cupping his masked cheeks.
He looked so innocent.
"Sure," I mumbled, finishing a cookie and putting away the jar.
I quietly followed Tobi down a few halls, letting my thoughts wander yet again.
He was skipping like an absolute mad-man, as usual, and stopped suddenly just outside of his bedroom which startled me rather dramatically.
"Before Tobi invites Remika-Chan into Tobi's room, Remika-Chan has to promise not to tell ANYONE about Tobi's super duper important secret!" Tobi explained childishly, holding one finger up to his mask in a hushing manner and using the other hand to hold out his little finger.
"Pinkie-Promise?" Tobi giggled softly.
I giggled myself and happily linked my little finger with his.
"Pinkie-Promise," I smiled at Tobi warmly and he pulled me through the door.

His bedroom was nothing like I had imagined it would be. It had a slight smell of sweets and candy, but looked nothing like a child's room would. The walls were cream, like the halls and the carpet was a crisp white. His room was tidy and his bed was made. The silky black sheets and pillows arranged perfectly. He had a mahogany desk in the far corner of his room, papers arranged neatly and his window by the bed was open letting the morning sunlight pour in.
"Tobi?" I spoke out, realising that the masked loony had disappeared.
"What is it, Remika-Chan?" A smooth, seductive voice murmured from behind me.
"Who- What?" I whispered confused. The voice from behind me let out a light chuckle sending shivers down my spine as warm breath tickled my neck.
"It's me, Tobi, you don't recognise me?" The voice smirked, turning me to face him.
"Tobi!? You're not-"
"Yes I am…" Before me was a truly gorgeous man.
His chiselled features were enough to make me melt. His onyx eyes stared at me seductively while his lips were pulled up into a small smirk. His jet black spiky hair was messy and framed his face beautifully. He very much resembled an Uchiha. I stared in disbelief at the stunning man in front of me.
'That's not Tobi, it can't be Tobi. Tobi is… well….'
"What's the matter, Remika? You seem surprised," The main claiming to be Tobi leant down slightly, his face inches from mine.
"W-Well honestly, I am kinda…" My voice wavered a little. 'Tobi' kept his smirk and tilted his head to one side. "Are you sure you're Tobi?" I confirmed breathing out in disbelief.
He chuckled darkly, making me shudder.
"Believe me, I'm sure…" He trailed off with a wink.
I felt my cheeks flush pink and my heart pound rapidly in my chest. I looked down and away from 'Tobi's' gaze, not wanting him to see. He tilted my face up with two fingers and smiled.
"Was Remika-Chan expecting Tobi to look different, and did Remika-Chan think he would sound funny too?" Tobi's voice escaped the man's lips with a small pout.
"TOBI! What the-" Tobi hushed my outburst with one finger on my lips.
"My real name is, Madara Uchiha. Pleased to meet you without the mask, Remika Takahashi," Madara smiled.
"Madara… Uchiha?" My brain struggled to process what was happening. I rubbed my head trying to comprehend what it was he was saying. "So, you're Tobi," The man nodded once and let me continue, "But Tobi is just an alias," He nodded once more with an approving grunt, "And really, you're name is Madara Uchiha…" I finished.
"Correct," Madara smiled approvingly.
"You CAN'T be Madara! He's like… 100 years old or something!" I screamed out in protest. He chuckled darkly, keeping his smirk.
"Hush, Keep your voice down my dear," He held a finger to his lips smoothly; "I am Madara Uchiha. Please don't make me explain how, but honestly, do I look 100 to you?" He ran one hand down my cheek gently, forcing me to look at him carefully.
"Well, no…" I admitted timidly.
He looked so young and so gorgeous; it was like he wasn't human at all!
"Exactly, now remember, you promised!" He finished with Tobi's childish voice, smiling cutely as he did so, making me giggle.
"Alright then, but wait, that would mean that you and Itachi are related, am I right?" I checked.
"That's right, why, what of it?" He confirmed, raising a question.
"Just checking…" I trailed off in thought, "Does he know who you really are?" I returned my distant gaze to him,
"No, not yet…" He answered softly. "Just remember, don't tell a soul," He winked, leaving the room with me tailing along behind.

By the time we had returned to the living room, his bright swirly mask was back down over his face and he was leaping about like a maniac once again.
"Remika-Chan,"
Deidara caught my attention and moved nervously to my side, "What I said earlier about you being insane," He began to apologise, staring down at the ground shyly.
"It's fine, I understand," I assured him, "There are enough maniacs around here anyway!" I giggled. Deidara smiled and scratched his head. "Well, come on, we've got a vacation to get on with!" I clapped my hands and skipped off, excitement bubbling up inside of me.